A Daughter Without A Mother

My mother took her last breath on Easter morning and at that moment I became a daughter without a mother.  It took some time for what that meant to settle in. At the moment you lose someone you love, the pain is immediate but the implications aren’t so obvious. Until later.

I walk through the door of her house…a daughter without a mother.

I pick up the phone to call her…a daughter without a mother.

I have questions to ask her…a daughter without a mother.

I need some advice…a daughter without a mother.

“Did you hear about?”…a daughter without a mother.

“Hey Mom! Lillie is starting to smile at me!” …a daughter without a mother.

Each day, the reality settles in and each day the loss becomes greater. The grief stronger. But don’t misunderstand. This daughter does not grieve for her mother, she grieves for herself.  My mom is ok. She is not lost. Because of  God’s promise of eternal life through His Son Jesus Christ, and my mom’s surrender to Him, she is in heaven and the best is reality for her now. But the daughter she left behind grieves for herself. For the first time in her entire life, she has no mommy.

What is a daughter without a mother? I posed the question to others and one motherless daughter responded “I am still trying to answer that question.” Another responded “I unfortunately know the feeling.” I could empathize with the motherless daughter’s response of “I lost my best friend.” The pain is real and it runs deep. No one will ever love you like your mother.

What is a daughter without a mother? To echo another daughter without a mother, I can’t answer that question. But because my mother loved me, I will carry on. I will give to others the things she gave me: wisdom, strength, kindness, and love. I will hear her whisper. I will look in the mirror and see her reflection. I will remember I am blessed to have had the mom I had. And I will carry on as a mom and a new grandmother, trying to live my life in a way that will honor her legacy.

A new season has begun but my mother lives on and this daughter without a mother moves forward.